The Discerning Vagina: Episode 2

As a virile, active young woman I am exceptionally vigilant when it comes to sexually transmitted diseases. I've never had one, and I'm pretty sure you have to be having sex to get them. Given my schedule it is a rare concern...unfortunately.

But then I have mornings when I wake up and I'm just chilling in bed. And something doesn't feel right. It's kind of. . .uncomfortable. I do a brief once-over checking for anomalies and. . .wait. . .what do we have here??? As my hand rolls over a bump. A BUMP.

Oh god, when was the last time you had sex? Did you catch something?! But it was a girl! Doesn't matter you idiot you can still catch things! Oh no, god no, this is it, the end of my sex life, I'll never get laid again! No, no, no.... Not me. But she doesn't have anything. And when I got tested it came back negative... But still! I know it, I just know it. I have herpes.

The panic settles in as I buy into my fears with every moment. What do you do in such dark moments of crises when you realize your sex life is over because you recklessly had unprotected sex with a girl two months ago? Call your best friend and confess that you're like 99.9% certain you have herpes. No doubts. Nope. Tears, the whole bit. And you know what she does? She places her trust in the Discerning Vagina.

Discerning Vagina to the rescue!
She dons a coarse, wiry cape,
has a thing against rape,
but is down for a good, clean screw.

Discerning Vagina to the rescue!
She watches out for disease,
so you can just please,
and walk away when you're through.


I really do owe her one, especially since it was just aggravated skin. That girl works around the clock for me. Discernin' 24/7.


**For some of my duties as the Discerner I promote the respect, appreciation, and discussion of lady parts. Whether it be sexually related, or just our daily trials: open dialogue really can help to improve the way women feel in their own skin. Instead of keeping these things to ourselves and feeling shame, we can hoot and holler with our friends about how ridiculous X is. We should feel confident and proud in these bodies.**